Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
