She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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