there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
