Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
