I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
