Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So vagazzling was a success
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