Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize