I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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