DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
