im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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