There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
