guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
