I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize