I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
