I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
where are my eyebrows?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
