I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
