i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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