if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
