i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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