It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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