my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
