singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
