I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
