ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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