I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
