I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
