I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
