He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
