my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize