I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
