if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
