Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
