Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
