I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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