he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
