But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
