hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
