Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
