come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
