this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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