Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
