i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
