im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
