i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
