I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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