one two three fourrrrnication!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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