Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
birth control should be required to get into college
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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