just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
