I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
