Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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