i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
