She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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