It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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