No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
