I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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