i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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