you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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