I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize