I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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