i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
