even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
