I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
