i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize