im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
