K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
